Work Life Balance and Mom Guilt

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, I wanted to share a little bit about what it is like to be a working mom. In particular, what it was like as a new mom, and a stay at home business owner. Ironically many working moms now find themselves working from home as well, and can see the perks and the challenges that come along with it, first hand.

As my world came to a stop, and I gave birth to our little boy, life outside my emotional cocoon kept going. The e-mails and phone calls kept coming.

I received an email while I was at the hospital, in labor. Someone asking for information about family photos. I send these types of e-mail responses all of the time, so I tried to reply. But I just didn’t have the ability to focus… even between the mid-level contractions. So, I put my phone down, knowing that because I didn’t respond right away, I wouldn’t book this job.

At home with a 2 week old, emotional and sleep deprived, with stitches almost healed… I returned a missed call.( A woman was asking about doing a photo session in a few months.) I got her voicemail, so I gave her some information and explained, “I just had a baby, I am taking some time, but I’ll get back to you in further detail as soon as I can.” … but she just kept calling!

And there I was, faced with a new equation to balance. How do I give this perfect new life all of my love and attention while keeping up with the busy wedding season, and continue to uphold my standards for my clients.

Questions in my head: How soon can I be healed up and carry my camera equipment? What will a 12 hour work day be like when running on little to no sleep? How will I feel to be away from my baby for the first time? Will he take a bottle? My son wants to nurse every hour, and I have editing and emails piling up… Should I have closed shop for a few months?

Mothers know, that “mom guilt” is no joke. I would look at him sleeping in my arms, and say, “I could never be good enough”. That is truly how it feels.

But! In my opinion I have the best case scenario. I get to be a stay at home mom AND do what I love for a living! So if my tiny baby has to share my lap with my computer sometimes, that’s fine. If he has to learn to play on his own a bit more so that I can get work done, I will have to forgive myself. And if I didn’t take any maternity leave, it is only so that I can make this life work, and be with him as much as possible!

So to all the mom’s out there who ask themselves how they will do it, or if you are doing the right thing... You are doing an amazing job, and you are enough.

You might also like “If this Bunny Could Talk”.

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Wedding Photographers Don't Just Take Pictures (Part 1)

Oh, you thought I take photos of peoples weddings? Well, I do!

BUT, I also…

The list of things I have done at weddings that didn't involve cameras, is a long one! Wana hear a few?!

- I physically dressed the mother of the bride while she was freaking out about not being ready.

Haha yup! Poor Momma was so stressed out about her daughter’s big day, that everyone was waiting for her to get dressed, - and the bride just about HAD IT! She was too busy asking about what table Aunt Someone was seated at, and folding dirty socks. … I closed the bedroom door, placed my hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eyes, and said “It’s a big day right!? You ok? Well, it’s time! :) We need to get ready, so we can enjoy this amazing day!” And then continued to physically help her out of her clothes, and into the Mother of the Bride dress. “See, all done! You look fantastic, now let’s GO!” :)

- Give a Groom a hair cut.

“Why didn’t you get a hair cut?” asked one of his groom’s men. “Does it look bad?” the groom asked… The guys were all a few beers deep, but they all kinda agreed, “Yeah, it looks like you need a haircut dude”. I gave my friend Brandon a haircut once in high school, and I was the only sober adult in the room… So, it appeared that I was the most qualified person for the job! And, I am proud to say I did a pretty damn good job! No pressure right? It was only the guy’s wedding day.

- Drive the bridal party to the venue (in 3 separate trips) after their limo broke down.

I wish I could say that this was the only time that a limo broke down on a wedding, but it had to have been the third time? The thing about limos is they can hold a lot of people at once, the thing about my car, is that it was drivable! Haha! … So I took 3 trips and eventually got everyone from the park where we took photos, to the Venue. Thankfully both locations were in Mountain Lakes, so the turn around time wasn’t bad at all.

 - Keep the father of the bride company while he was quite emotional about letting his little girl go.

This one was easy. A memory that I truly cherish, and think of as a highlight of my “job”. I remember thinking to myself in that moment, as I was sitting in the living room of a complete stranger having a heart to heart…. this is the best job ever. Who else gets to have a front row seat to the best day of peoples lives!!?? Wedding days are magical, emotional, and not just for the couple. I was so thankful that could be there for him. Happy that he felt he could open up to me. He was showered and fully dressed about 2 hours too early! We talked about life, his fondest memories of his children growing up, and how hard it is to let them go.

- Be responsible for the Bride's wedding night undies.

Nice right?! … At a wedding at the Boathouse in NYC, a bridesmaid came up to me and handed me a nice white (clean) pair of panties. “Can you hold onto these? The bride wants to change into them later in the night, but doesn’t have a place to put them.” Yes, of course! Thats what this handy camera bag is for! :) So, I slipped those silky lacy undies into the pocket of my camera bag for safe keeping. After the ceremony and some portraits around Central Park , the package was discreetly delivered to their rightful owner.

- And OF COURSE, bustle MANY dresses, put on many veils, fix falling out up-dos, and pin on ALL of the boutonnières. 

I am practically a stage mom! :) It is those little odds and ends that any respectable photographer must become a master in. I am happy to lend a hand for all jobs big and small. The list goes on forever: Tuck in bra straps, cut the tags off dresses (I always have scissors with me), tell someone if their underwear can be seen through their dress or not. It reminds me of the good old days in the dressing room of my dance recitals. A lot goes into looking and feeling our best, and I am happy to make it all happen for them.

This is only part one! Stay tuned for part two!